Brand new segment here. I've been in some bizzare situations. I figured what the hell, I'll share them with you. Some strange, some funny, depends on how you see it. They will be told in my signature RPG fashion at times. The names have not been changed. Fuck 'em.
How far would you to get a good deal on something? I put that to the test. Sort've. Not my idea.
This was about five years ago. There's a shoestore here than whenever it has a sale, the store becomes a game show somewhat. You do something, you get 10% off or whatever. I was with my mom, trying to pick up my Mono Black Converse, when we hear...
PA System: Attention Shoe Carnival shoppers...
(Yeah, the place is called Shoe Carnival. What the fuck.)
PA System: We need 8 people to come to the center of the store for an activity! Those people will get 40% off their entire purchase!
Mom: Come on!
Mike: Do we have to, ma?
Mom: It's 40 fucking percent! COME ON!
So I get dragged. Six other people were there. Me and MamaBeast made it eight. I see the employee giving us directions. He gives one person a cowboy hat and a six-shooter.
Employee: You're going to be the cowboy.
The dude hands off some Indian head dress to someone else.
Employee: You can be the Indian.
Mike: So I guess this involves something with cowboys and indians.
The dude gives someone else something. I can't see what it is, but I heard him say it. I just saw something yellow.
Employee: You can be the construction worker.
My eyes widened. I had figured it out. WHAT THE FUCK WAS I DOING THERE?!
Mike: What did he just say!?
My mom laughs hysterically, she's one step ahead of me.
Mike: Oh god...no. Are we fucking kidding? Please tell me you're fucking kidding.
Eventually, this pillow-biting bastard comes up to me. Hands me a hat, oversized sunglasses, and a cap gun.
Employee: You can be the police officer!
Mike: Fuck you, sir.
Employee: Hit the music, we're ready!
The store speaker system loudly plays YMCA by the Village People. This motherfucker told us to follow him as we were paraded around the store. The whole time, I sulked in the back as I held that cap gun to my head, repeatedly pulling the trigger, while everyone else, including my mom in a sailor hat, doing the YMCA dance. The dude telling me to smile was like adding salt to an open wound...that cocksucker.
In short, I got 40% of my total purchase, and a fistful of embarassment.
This has been SuperBeast's True Not-Really-Hollywood Stories.