Ho-Ho-Hold-Up: A Sorcerer Hunter's Christmas

[Before I start this fanfic, I wanna dedicate this fic to 2 of our lost legends of entertainment, Isaac Hayes & Bernie Mac. RIP to both of you and y'all will always be remembered. Now let's get on with the fic.]

(It's 2 weeks before Christmas and all over the city of Memphis, Tennessee, people are getting ready to celebrate the day of Christ's Birth as well as getting presents for loved ones. One of those gifts is money and people are lined up at First Tennessee bank to give their loved ones the universal gift. However, one man planned to take that great gift for his own selfish desires. His name: Krazy C. and he resembles Carrot Glace, the de facto leader of the Sorcerer Hunters.)

KC: All right everyone on the muthafuckin' floor, strip buck naked, & hand over all your shit!

(Everyone in the bank was paralyzed with fear and panic at the armed madman. Krazy C. made of with over $90,000 in cash and another $5,000 in possessions.)

KC: Don't forget, if any of you snitch, this will happen. (Shoots at everyone in sight; killing a few but injuring many others) Now to get me a candy-paint ride with them 22s on it.

(Meanwhile, Carrot is almost through shopping for gifts for his fellow hunters: his younger brother, the powerful but docile mystic Marron Glace, the Herculean martial artist Gateau Mocha, and the whip-wielding warrior princesses known as the Misu Sisters, Tira & Chocolate.)

Carrot: Boy this is awesome! I just love Christmas and dammit I love Memphis! I gotta get to Beale Street on New Year's Eve. Anyway, time to get back to the Stellar Church before Big Momma scolds my ass for being late. (KC bumps into Carrot) What the fuck are you doin' asshole?!

KC: Asshole?! Fool I oughta pop yo' ass where you stand! (In his mind) Wait a sec. He looks almost like me except for the scar on my face. I can frame his ass and I can be ridin' clean.

(KC left his gun & gloves with Carrot & fled. Meanwhile, the police arrived and immediately cuffed & beat Carrot like his name was Rodney King. Carrot struggled & argued his case that he wasn't Krazy C. but to no avail. Carrot was taken down to 201 Poplar to be arraigned and placed in a holding cell. Meanwhile, back at the Stellar Church, Big Momma, her trusted aide Dotta, & the other 4 Sorcerer Hunters, worryingly waited for Carrot to return.)

Gateau: Carrot's been gone for too damn long.

Marron: It's not like my brother to be gone this long. Then again, unless girls are involved, I wouldn't be surprised.

Gateau: You read my mind, Marron.

Tira: If Carrot is out chasing girls, he's gonna have to answer to me & Chocolate.

Chocolate: My darling better not be out skirt chasing at this time of year. Doesn't he know that he has me to fulfill his desires?

Tira: Sis, not now. (In her mind) Carrot's mine.

Dotta: Hey guys, Carrot's on the news! He's been arrested for armed robbery and murder!

Tira: Carrot arrested?!

Marron: For armed robbery?!

Gateau: And murder?!

Big Momma: Obviously this is a case of mistaken identity. Since when did Carrot have a scar on his face and when did he start calling himself "Krazy C.?"

Chocolate: Momma's right. Darling wouldn't harm a fly. We have to get him out quickly Momma.

Momma: I know, my child. But then the trial comes. Marron, I'm sending you & Tira to 201 Poplar to post Carrot's bond.

Tira: Thanks Momma.

Marron: Besides, I studied law while I was learning spells.

(Marron & Tira went to the infamous 201 Poplar correctional facility and posted Carrot's bond. Carrot was thrilled to be out…at least for the time being until he can prove his innocence which wouldn't be an easy task since the evidence is too staggering against him.)

Carrot: Marron, Tira, you don't know how glad I am to be out of that hellhole. I'm gonna nail that bastard that framed me.

Tira: Yeah but with the evidence so stacked against you, you could be looking at life in prison.

Marron: And without parole since there was murder involved.

Carrot: Where am I gonna find a good lawyer without having to dig up Johnnie Cochran?

Marron: Well brother, I'll defend you.

Carrot: Marron, my dear little brother. Thanks man. With you as my defense lawyer, I can't lose.

(Fast forward to the trial)

Judge: LIFE!!

All: WHAT?!?!

Carrot: I'm innocent! I was framed for this! You can't send me away for life especially when it's so close to Christmas!

Judge: Silence! You will take your punishment as given to you and may God have mercy on your pathetic soul!

Carrot: Guys you gotta get me outta here!

Gateau: Stay cool Carrot. We'll get that son of a bitch that put you up to this.

Marron: Stay strong brother.

Tira: (holding back tears) We'll fight for you Carrot. Chocolate: (crying) Don't leave me, darling! I can't live without you by my side!

Carrot: Don't cry Chocolate. I'll be out. That's a promise. Just make Krazy C. pay for this.

Chocolate: Darling, that I swear. C'mon you guys, let's get to work!

(As Carrot was being hauled of to prison, the other 4 Sorcerer Hunters wasted no time in planning to trap the real killer, Krazy C. Meanwhile, as for KC himself, he was enjoying the fruits of his ill-gotten deeds. KC met up with, literally, one of the dirtiest players in the game, Dirty Dee.)

Dirty Dee: You got my stash?

KC: C'mon D I got you hooked up. (Hands him some dirt)

DD: (rubbing dirt all over himself) Oooh yeah! This is some good-ass dirt! Listen; as long as you ride with me, you ain't got nothin' to worry about.

KC: Thanks. I framed some poor sumabitch that look like me.

DD: And you know damn well that I am Dirty Dee, dammit! I play and live like a dirty muthafucka!

KC: I know.

(Meanwhile in prison, Carrot Glace began his life sentence. While in prison, he was scared shitless at his new surroundings but he knew that his family was gonna bust him out. One of his first encounters was with none other than the ruler of the prison yards. His name: Lil' Beanie Hat)

Carrot: I take it you're the one who runs this yard.

LBH: Fuck off whitey before you get shaved.

(Carrot takes great offense to being called whitey and uncharacteristically cracks his neck thus killing him. Carrot would gain the respect of the other prisoners.)

Voice: I'm glad somebody finally killed that loudmouthed nigger!

Carrot: Who the hell are you?

(The voice came from none other than from Clayton Bigsby, the blind white supremacist leader who was black)

Carrot: Hey I know who you are. You're Clayton Bigsby, that blind, black white supremacist guy.

Clayton: Who said I'm a nigger? I am in no way, shape, or form, involved in any niggerdom! White Power!

Carrot: Whatever. Look, I'm not gonna be here long. I was framed for this.

Clayton: Well don't come lookin' for me no time soon, nigger. I ain't helpin' your black ass escape. You belong here!

Carrot: I'm not black, you blind, racist coot! You're black and yet you hate your own race.

Clayton: I'll beat your nigger-lovin' ass down!

(Carrot & Clayton got into a huge scrap until the guards broke it up & locked Bigsby in solitary confinement. Later that night, after lights-out, Carrot planned his escape; which he did in the dead of night while successfully evading the security systems. It was now a week before Christmas and the rest of the Sorcerer Hunters were back at the Stellar Church planning how to catch Krazy C.)

Tira: We gotta find a way to catch Krazy C.

Marron: I know Tira, but it won't be easy.

Chocolate: That bastard will feel Hell for framing my Darling.

Gateau: We just gotta find the right opportunity.

Voice: You got one already Gateau. Marron: Who the… Brother!

(Carrot, still dressed in his orange prison garb, came back to help organize the plan to nail Krazy C.)

Chocolate: Darling, I'm so glad you're back but aren't the cops looking for you?

Carrot: They're looking for Krazy C., remember? And that's who were gonna give 'em.

Voice: Ain't no need in lookin' for me, mane.

Carrot: Krazy C.?! How did you get into the Church?

KC: I had a little friend of mine slide me in.

DD: I'm Dirty Dee, dammit! I used my power of dirt to slide me and my man KC into your shit-ass Chur…

(Before Dirty Dee could finish, Tira & Chocolate, in full dominatrix mode, whooped DD while Marron & Gateau held KC for Carrot to take out)

Tira: Time for you to pay for framing Carrot. Chocolate: Anyone who harms my precious darling will feel the sting of my wire

Carrot: Hold on Chocolate. Lemme take care of this.

Chocolate: Sure thing darling. (kisses Carrot on the cheek)

Carrot: All right Krazy C. Time to get what your ass gets for framing me and almost ruining my Christmas!

KC: What you gonna kill me or somethin'?

Carrot: Far worse…

(Carrot put his prison garb on KC and sent him back to Memphis where the police found him, beat, and cuffed him and haul him off to the pen. On Christmas, the 5 hunters all celebrated Carrot's return from jail and opened their gifts.)

Carrot: Marron, I got you something very special.

Marron: What would that be?

Carrot: Open it up.

(Marron opened his gift and it turned out to be an authentic Samurai katana.)

Marron: Thanks brother. This is just perfect for my collection of swords.

Carrot: You're very welcome, my dear little brother. Now Gateau, it's your turn.

Gateau: What did you get me Carrot?

Carrot: Oh I think you're gonna love this.

(Gateau received from Carrot a Bowflex home gym)

Gateau: Dude! This is awesome! Now I can keep myself looking strong & sexy at the same time; especially for you Marron.

Marron: Uh… sure Gateau.

Carrot: Disturbing. Anyway, Tira, here's your present.

Tira: Thank you Carrot. I'm sure I'll love what you got for me.

(Tira got a lovely heart necklace from Carrot with her initials engraved on it.)

Tira: Carrot, this is lovely! Thank you for this wonderful necklace!

Chocolate: What did you get me, darling?

Carrot: I'm glad you asked, Chocolate. This is for you.

(Chocolate opened her gift and it was sexy lingerie from Victoria's Secret.)

Chocolate: Darling, you little sex fiend you! I'm really gonna enjoy wearing this around you.

Tira: Chocolate, hold back your sex drive! Anyway Carrot, we got you something as well.

Carrot: Really?

Marron: Carrot, brother, Merry Christmas.

Carrot: Wow guys, you shouldn't have! (Opens his gift) Oh crap! You guys got me the new Puma Theseus II running shoes! And they're gold just like Usain Bolt's! Man you guys are the best!

Gateau: We knew you'd love 'em.

Carrot: Now I can really impress babes with these.

Tira: (Angry) Carrot!

Chocolate: (Angry) Darling!

Carrot: Hey girls, just kidding!

Chocolate: Besides, darling, I'm the only woman for you. Have noticed my sexy Santa suit with the mistletoe on it?

Carrot: Yeah and I'm gonna put these new Pumas on cuz I know where you're going with this, Chocolate.

Tira: Yeah Chocolate, cool down for once, will ya?

Chocolate: C'mon darling; gimmie some Christmas cheer if ya know what I mean.

Carrot: (Putting on the shoes) Yeah I know what you mean and I'm gone. (Dashes out)

Chocolate: Come back darling! I want you to give me a real special gift.

Carrot: And what prey tell may that be?!

Chocolate: A baby!

Carrot: You'll hafta catch me first cuz I ain't slowing down for shit!

Chocolate: Oh darling, even on Christmas, I love it when you play hard to get!

Marron: Here we go again.

The End & Merry Christmas!!