A Carrot for All Seasons: A Sorcerer Hunters' Christmas

(It's that wonderful time of the year known as Christmas and at the Stella Church, Big Momma, the founder of that great guild of warriors known as the Sorcerer Hunters, is in the finishing stages of a very special gift for the leader of this band of hunters, the cowardly, lascivious, but faithful Carrot Glace. Along with Carrot are of course his gentleman mystic younger brother Marron, the bisexual strongman Gateau Mocha, and last but most certainly not least, the beautiful but deadly Misu Sisters, Tira and her older sister Chocolate as they prepare for another Christmas.)

Carrot: Hey Momma, I heard you gotta gift in the works for me.

Momma: You're right, my child. But you must wait until Christmas morning for it. It is very special gift that will serve you well in battle.

Carrot: I thought my sword, which can turn me into He-Man, was enough for me.

Momma: Well yes it is most certainly powerful, but my gift will make you a little more versatile. After all, versatility is one of the keys to success.

Gateau: Wow, and here I thought Carrot's gift was gonna be like a sex doll or a lifetime membership to the Playboy Mansion.

Carrot: Hey now that don't sound all that bad! Meeting the man himself, Hugh Hefner and all his smokin' hot girlfriends, chilling in the famous Grotto, now that's a gift that really keeps on giving if you know what I mean. (As if on cue, Carrot found himself facedown on the ground by the Misu Sisters)

Tira: We heard that, Carrot!

Chocolate: Yeah darling. Why can't you get your mind out of the "Grotto?" (Chuckles) Why can't you get your mind into something a little more worth while, like me and my Sexy Santa dress? (Continues to flirt with Carrot)

Tira: (In her mind) Carrot is mine. Carrot is mine. Hey stop it, Chocolate! You're not the only one with a nice dress on Christmas. Like my dress, Carrot?

(Compared to Chocolate, Tira's dress was more conservative but nonetheless beautiful; resembling her normal dress but a little more decorative.)

Carrot: You both look very beautiful. I was just kidding.

Marron: Brother, you know as usual, Momma wants you to go out and shop for gifts.

Carrot: I know, little bro, but this time, I already got your gift.

Marron: How thoughtful of you, bother. This time however, Momma's sending me along with you to make sure you keep out of trouble.

Carrot: Alright fine. Besides, it'll be great to have my dear baby brother with me.

Tira: Aw, that's so thoughtful of you, Carrot.

Chocolate: Be sure you get me something really special, darling.

Carrot: (Nervously) Sure Chocolate.

Tira: Be back soon you 2!

Marron: We will. Let's go brother.

(The Glace Brothers go out on last minute Christmas shopping while Big Momma and her trusted aid Dotta finish Carrot's gift. While out, Carrot does let his eyes wonder to look at girls, but Marron was there to reel him back to the tasks at hand. Once they were finished, they headed back to the Church with the gifts in hand.)

Carrot: We're home!

Gateau: It's about damn time. Were you alright, precious Marron? Wanna see me flex my beautiful muscles to relax you?

Marron: (Disturbed) Uh…no thanks Gateau.

Carrot: Gateau, you are one sick puppy.

Tira: That's enough you guys. We got Christmas tomorrow. Chocolate: Besides, we're singing Christmas carols tonight.

Carrot: We're just messing around, Chocolate.

(The Hunters all gathered around with Momma and Dotta and sang many of the classics like "Rudolph, the Red-Nosed Reindeer", "Joy to the World", "Jingle Bells", and "O Come All Ye Faithful". After celebrating with egg nog, they all went to sleep. When Christmas had arrived, they couldn't wait to open their presents.)

Momma: Merry Christmas, my children! Hope you all enjoy your gifts.

(Marron opened his gift from his brother Carrot and it was rare, 3-staffed nunchucks.)

Marron: Brother, these are very rare and only the most skilled martial artist can fully master them. Thanks very much Carrot!

Carrot: You're welcome little bro. Gateau, I believe this gift's for you.

Gateau: It better be you little weasel.

(Gateau's gifts were authentic replica jerseys of the Australian Rugby Team, the Wallabies and of the Irish Rugby Team, the Shamrocks.)

Gateau: Wow Carrot, you really outdid yourself! Thanks a bunch! I'm definitely gonna rock these! These are two of my favorite nations and teams anyway! Looks like you come through again bud. Hey Marron, wanna get in a scrum with me? Marron: No thanks Gateau.

Carrot: I figured you'd like them, though that creeps me out. Tira, I hope you like yours.

Tira: Can't wait to see what it is.

(Tira received a new bullwhip and heels as well as an enrollment into the Verace Pizza Napoletana (True Neapolitan Pizza) school.)

Tira: A new whip and heels, Carrot you're the best! (Kisses him on the cheek) But what's this Verace Pizza Napoletana?

Carrot: It's a society started in Italy training people in how to make authentic Italian pizza. I thought you might like to learn to cook from them.

Tira: Aw Carrot that's so sweet of you.

Chocolate: Okay darling, what did you get me?!

Carrot: Calm down Chocolate. I got your gift right here.

(What Chocolate got for her gift was a $500 gift certificate for Fredrick's of Hollywood, the famous lingerie boutique.)

Chocolate: DARLING!! I love it! FOH is the crème de la crème of lingerie stores and here I have a gift certificate for almost an entire shopping spree. Think of all the "unmentionables" I can buy to seduce you, darling!

Tira: I see where you're going with this, sis; and I don't like it.

Chocolate: Oh Tira, you can be such a prude. Now gimmie some sugar, darling

(Chocolate, against Carrot's will, makes out with him until Tira pulls her off of him. Meanwhile, Momma and Dotta present Carrot with his gift.)

Dotta: Carrot, Momma and I took a great deal of time preparing these for you.

Momma: And now they're ready just for you.

Carrot: You shouldn't have!

(Carrot opened his gift and it was wristbands that resembled his but they were very different.)

Carrot: Wow. Wristbands? Momma no offense but…

Momma: Carrot, remember that little talk we had about being versatile in battle?

Carrot: Yeah, but what are new wristbands gonna do?

Momma: Just put them on and say what you wish to be.

Carrot: Well, I'd always wanted to be like the ultimate warrior.

(In an instant, Carrot was given the personality and appearance of former World Wrestling Federation Champion, the Ultimate Warrior) Carrot: (a la the UW) I've finally achieved a plateau that mortals can never reach! For the planets in the heavens have aligned to create the bizarre reality that is the Ultimate Warrior!

Gateau: Alright, let's see how strong you really are.

(Gateau tackled Carrot down but to everyone's surprise, Carrot was able to gorilla press Gateau and throw him down to the ground.)

Gateau: Damn he is strong in this form.

Carrot: No mortal can harm me! I am like the strongest rock!

(Suddenly, Carrot again transforms, this time into another WWF/E Legend and Champion, the People's Champion, the Rock.)

Chocolate: Ooh. My Darling's the most electrifying man in sports-entertainment! This is so exciting!

Tira: Carrot is certainly handsome as the Rock.

Carrot: (a la the Rock) Finally, the C has come back…to the Stella Church! Now let's get one thing straight; and that is the C is here and ready to layeth the smacketh down on every sorcerer's roody-poo candyass! Not to mention giving ladies a taste of the C's strudel if you smell what the C is cooking?

Tira: What was that, Carrot?!

Chocolate: Now you're gonna have to pay for that, Darling.

(The Misu Sisters go into their trademark dominatrix alter egos and try to punish "The C.")

Tira: Carrot, you know damn well how we feel when speak of infidelity.

Chocolate: She's right darling. We're the two who really love you and you're just gonna dump us to the curb? Unacceptable.

Carrot: Hey girls, that's just how the C rolls. He loves the babes. By the way, how do ya like the C's new electrifying $800 shirt?

Tira: Well Carrot it looks…

Carrot: IT DOESN'T MATTER WHETHER YOU LIKE IT!!

Chocolate: Wow Darling. You never talked back to us like that before and honestly, that turns me on.

Tira: C'mon Chocolate. Not again with the…

Chocolate: Don't get so upset, Tira. Gimmie a taste of that strudel, darling!

Carrot: (Back to himself) Hey ease up Chocolate. I don't know how to handle all this power.

Chocolate: I don't care darling. You made me more in love with you than ever. Carrot: Aw here it comes!

Momma: Glad you enjoy them Carrot, but you must be able to control that great power.

Carrot: I will, Momma. Now if I can get Chocolate off me.

Chocolate: I got some mistletoe for us, Darling. Pucker up!

Carrot: Please Chocolate, just gimmie a break will ya?!

Tira: Yeah Chocolate lay off!

Chocolate: Come to me Darling!

(Chocolate embraces Carrot and makes out with him almost non-stop)

The End & Merry Christmas To All!!