Wild Night: A Sorcerer Hunters' Fanfic

[ We begin our story with the greatest heroes of the Spooner Continent, the Sorcerer Hunters, enjoying a much needed vacation from doing what they do best, ridding the world of malicious sorcerers.]

Tira: Boy it sure is great to have another vacation.

Gateau: You said it. Nothin' but free time & booti.. I mean, beauties.

Marron: Strange though, Chocolate's not here. Where could she have gone?

Tira: Oh I remember. She said she's getting her room ready for a "special night".

Carrot: Well s**t, I don't care what it is, as long as it don't involve me.

Marron: Knowing Chocolate, any special night involves you, brother.

Gateau: I don't get it, Carrot. Chocolate's madly in love with you, but you won't give her the time of day. If I were you, I wouldn't want any other girl.

Carrot: I look at Chocolate & Tira more like sisters. I don't wanna do anything to hurt them.

Tira: Oh Carrot, you're so sweet.

Carrot: Thanks, Tira. Now if y'all will excuse me, I've got some major babe watching to do. (rushes off to the beach)

Tira: Typical Carrot.

Marron: My brother's damn near impossible to control.

Gateau: No s**t.

[ As Carrot was racing down to the beach, he was interrupted by Dotta, Big Momma's trusted aid.]

Carrot: Aw Dotta, why you gotta spoil our vacation?

Dotta: Don't worry Carrot. This isn't a business call, but there is someone that wants to talk to you.

Tira: Who would want to talk to Carrot?

Dotta: Optimus Prime.

Carrot: Optimus Prime? The Optimus Prime? Leader of the Autobots?

Dotta: The same, but he doesn't sound too happy.

Carrot: Who gives a s**t, just gimmie the damn phone! (grabs the phone from Dotta) Hello, Optimus, what's up?

Optimus: (a la Bill Cosby) I would like to talk to you about some of the things that you, Carrot Glace, do on your adventures!

Carrot: Uh, Optimus, why do you sound like Bill Cosby?

Optimus: That's not the point, son. Now, I would like to tell you a story. I, as you may know, am the leader of the Autobots. All of them. I live with between Cybertron & Earth with my fellow Autobots. Now, of the Autobots that I lead, there's one in particular I'm sure you've heard of, his name is Bumblebee & he loves everything you do. He came in one day with the complete collection of the show that chronicles your adventures; Sorcerer Hunters is what it was called. He saw it & came to me & said, "Optimus, there's a guy on this show named Carrot Glace & you won't believe the things he does!" And I say, 'What things?' And he tells me, "He comes out & chases girls & says, 'Hey ladies, suck this & 'F me & all these other things you wouldn't believe!' You cannot be chasing girls & say Filth, flarn, filth, flarn, in front of people!

Carrot: I don't ever say no filth, flarn, filth.

Optimus: You know what I'm talking about, boy, I can't use the type of language you use, but you know what I mean when I say Filth, flarn, flarn, flarn, flarn, filth.

Carrot: I don't ever say no filth flarn filth & I'm offended that you called. F**k you.

Optimus: (angered) That's what I'm talking about! You cannot say.......F**K! In front of people. (hangs up)

Marron: What did Optimus say to you, brother?

Carrot: Y'know, as much respect I have for Optimus, he doesn't understand that this is who I am. So how the f**k do you think I feel?

Gateau: He chastised you, didn't he? I hate to say this, but your ass deserved it.

Tira: He's gotta point, Carrot.

Carrot: (still angry) Will y'all just shut up! Dotta, gimmie the phone.

Dotta: You're gonna call Optimus again?

Carrot: No, I'm gonna call Megatron. (dials the phone)

Megatron: Who speaks?

Carrot: Yo Megatron, it's me, Carrot Glace. Listen, I called to tell ya that Optimus Prime called me & chastised me for being too dirty. What should I do?

Megatron: (a la Richard Pryor) Next time muthaf**ka calls, tell him I said suck MY d**k! Cuz I'm a villain, so I don't give a flyin' f**k! Whatever saves you & your friends, do that s**t. Do yo' friends come out okay when you do what you do?

Carrot: Yeah.

Megatron: Do you get thanked?

Carrot: Yeah.

Megatron: Well tell ol' Optimus to have an Energon Coke & a smile & shut tha f**k up. The Energon Jell-O pudding eatin' muthaf**ka. (hangs up)

Carrot: Well, now, I feel a whole lot better. Let's head back to the resort.

[ As the gang headed back to their beach resort, Tira, Marron, & Gateau all headed out for a while, leaving Carrot by himself. While at the resort, Carrot tried to find Chocolate. Little did he know, he was in for the surprise of his life. While finding her, the D12 joint, "I'll be Damned", played in the background]

Carrot: Chocolate, where are you? I wonder where the Hell she could be. (finds her room & opens the door) Hey Chocolate, girl where you hid.. Oh my damn!

[What Carrot saw before him were red, satin bed sheets, incense burning, candles lit & Barry White's "It's Ecstasy When You Lay Down Next To Me" was playing. Carrot was in a state of shock when he saw what was next]

Chocolate: Darling, I'm glad you came.

Carrot: Oh Chocolate, thank God you're OK. By the way, what's with the whole setup?

Chocolate: (giggles) You'll see, darling, because tonight, all your deepest fantasies come true.

Carrot: I don't think I like where this is going.

Chocolate: You will when we get done. Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to slip into something a little more comfortable.

Carrot: (sheepishly) Okay.

[Carrot laid on the bed & waited until Chocolate was done. When she came out, she was dressed in her familiar dominatrix attire. Of course, her body was much more curvaceous than before as she had only 1 thing on her mind, making beautiful, sweet love to her "darling", Carrot Glace]

Chocolate: (seductively) Darling, I'm ready.

Carrot: Oh s**t. (starts running)

Chocolate: You can't escape me this time, darling.

[Chocolate uses her signature weapon, the garrote, and lassoes Carrot with it. The garrote also rips his shirt off & pulls him back to the bed]

Carrot: Chocolate, what the Hell are you doin'?!

Chocolate: This is what I meant, darling. Tonight, you make me yours & I make you all mine. Oh darling, you're making me so hot. Take me now, my darling! I want you to see, feel, and even taste my love, my darling.

The End